When I was about 8 years old, a fortune teller told my mom that one of her children is going to serve time in prison. Not long after, I had a nanny who would say that because I have this mole right by my knee, it means I’m going to kneel and get sent to prison. To a child that age, that meant I lived in fear of the future. I worried that I was going to become a horrible person who’s going to commit a horrible crime that will get me sent to prison.
Now, I finally understand that not everyone who goes to prison has done something wrong. Some people go to prison because they did something right. Some people go to prison because they are protesting oppression. Some people go to prison because they choose to give others freedom in exchange for their own. A man named Gary Yourofsky, famous for his speech, was sentenced to do time in a maximum security prison. One day, in the common area, the TV was tuned in to a channel that happened to bring the news about him, and it referred to him as an “international terrorist”. An inmate recognized his face on TV, to which Gary explained that his crime was trespassing and breaking into private property, so he can rescue minks from being killed and turned into fur coats. The inmate was perplexed, and said “They put YOU, here, with US, for FREEING ANIMALS?” In our upside down world, morality and legality are not always on the same side. The norm is not necessarily the right choice. Obeying, conforming, following orders is not necessarily moral. I’m not suggesting that people should disregard the law; I am suggesting that we should look at the world through the lens of morality first, and when morality and legality are in conflict, to recognize that. What is socially acceptable is not always right, just as what is right is not always socially acceptable. Our societal norms are sometimes questionable, and we may need to turn our worlds upside down to do right by others. May we have the courage to discern what is right, even if it brings up discomfort, even if it means it demands we change our behavior, even if it means we do the complete opposite of what we have always done. Jivamukti Yoga is a huge advocate of animal rights and veganism. If you are not yet vegan, please look into veganism as a practical extension of your yoga practice. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.
0 Comments
Does anyone identify as being perfect? My wild guess is nobody does. None of us are perfect in the conventional sense of the word, though many of us would like to be. We have our own projections of this perfect versions of ourselves, and it is this that we show the world.
I have my own projection, of course. I like to hold on to the identity that I’m the first Jivamukti teacher in the Philippines, that I became vegan before it was trendy, that when I speak in front of a crowd, people listen. I like this little box that I’ve put myself in. The problem though, is that life happens, which means depending on various circumstances outside of my control, certain emotions and tendencies come up that don’t quite fit this perfect image. And because what I put out there doesn’t quite match what I feel in here, I suffer. What emotion or reaction or tendency do you push away? What is it that you’re unwilling to admit exists in you? It took me a long time to come to terms with my jealousy. After all, jealousy doesn’t quite fit with the perfect image I’ve created. It’s also very easy to push away jealousy and make up stories in my mind about what’s going on. When a fellow yogi posts an asana photo, it’s all too easy for me to say someone is showing off, instead of admitting that I am jealous that I don’t have the “typical yoga body”. When someone buys expensive things, I hide behind judging this person to be materialistic instead of admitting that I am jealous of the material ease. When an ex makes a connection with someone new, I could focus on seeing the fault in this person I don’t know instead of admitting that this is tugging at my sense of unworthiness. Because I try to push away how I truly feel, I end up being unkind in my thoughts and words, towards myself and towards others. Eventually, this catches up and I feel the shame. Thus is the cycle. What are we supposed to do then with the emotions we are unwilling to admit? There are many self-help books and training programs telling us how to be more of this and less of that, how to fix this part and change that part. This is not what I’m suggesting. I am offering a complete opposite way of looking at it— a total inversion of this “fixing” mentality— which is simply to accept. Yes, to accept all of those parts of ourselves, even and especially the ones we try to push away or deny or hide or change. It may seem counterintuitive. We may shudder at the thought of accepting what we deem to be negative or shameful about ourselves. Consider this, though. When you reject this emotion that has been calling out at you repeatedly, who is it that you are rejecting? When you deny that your tendencies to feel a certain way or act a certain way exist, who are you denying? When you try to fix a part of you that you find shameful, who are you shaming? Instead of pushing away your emotions and tendencies, practice giving it space. Acknowledge it, listen to it, observe it, accept it. Wholeness means wholeness. It means it has room for opposites— the light and the dark, the left and the right, the masculine and the feminine etc. That part that you usually deny in yourself is not meant to be fixed or to be tamed. It is only meant to be acknowledged, understood, and ultimately accepted. With compassion and gentleness, bring back the earliest memory you have of feeling this emotion that you’ve come to push away. What was happening then? How did you express this emotion? Were you told that this emotion is wrong? Were you led to believe you have to hide it or fix it or change it? Now observe this child that you were. What did he or she need at that time? What was he or she looking for? Can you now give this child the reassurance that he or she needs. Perhaps it’s simply saying: It’s ok. To feel that way is normal. To feel that emotion is acceptable. You are loved just the same. Again, with compassion and gentleness, with no judgment, bring back the most recent situation wherein this emotion came up. What was happening? How did you push it away? What was the story and the excuse you created? How did you truly feel? How similar was it from the feeling that you had as a child feeling the same emotion? Investigate the nature and characteristic of the emotion. Maybe even identify where in the physical body it originates. Sit with it. Observe it. Listen to it. Befriend it. Accept it. As uncomfortable as it is to feel this emotion, invite it up. Be kind to it. Be gentle to it. Be compassionate to it. Surrender yourself to the emotion that you are unwilling to feel. It may mean that by doing so, your perfect projection starts to fall apart. Let it fall apart. We will find so much more freedom in inverting the mindset that there’s something to fix. Accept yourself unconditionally. Love yourself completely. If you are not sure how to love yourself, then love that part of yourself that is not sure how to do it. If you think there’s something you need to do more or less of, then love that part of yourself that thinks you need to do more or less of something. If you think you are unable to do it, then love that part of yourself that thinks you are unable to do it. Love all of the parts that make up who you are. There is nothing broken; and there is nothing to fix. You are whole. This essay (and the classes taught this week) was inspired by the wise words of my dear friend Marcin Paszkowski. Albert Einstein said: There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle.
We are oftentimes caught up with our disappointments, our perceived inadequacies, the sense that we should’ve done things differently, that we fail to see the other side: that there is so much beauty, that there are many things going right, that every single thing, if we just take time to appreciate it, is truly a miracle. Take our body, for example. We may have spent much time thinking it “should” be different. We may have thought we should lose 10 pounds or gain 10 pounds, or have better skin, or be taller etc. And yet, we forget that our eyes can see colors, our nose can smell, our ears can hear, our heart beats without us having to consciously do it, when we get a wound our body knows how to heal it. We are often caught up with “what’s wrong” that we see past “what’s right”. In today’s practice, we are going to invert that mindset. We are going to see every single thing as a miracle. We are going to appreciate everything that is going right. We are going to turn things upside down, and see the positive in every moment. One night, I lay down my bed and appreciated the taste of a single grape. It turns out that when you take the time to savor it, there are multitudes of layers in the taste— the texture, the temperature, the sweetness, the water content. All of that within a single grape. We don’t often get to appreciate the simple things, what is right in front of us, what is so readily available. In fact, our culture pushes the opposite mentality. We even have a hashtag for it— #YOLO— You only live once. And so we are told we need to do more and more and more, and seek the next excitement and the next excitement and the next excitement. Yoga trains us to invert this mindset— to do the opposite. Yoga teaches us to be here, to be present, to be alive, to arrive.
When we practice asana, instead of anticipating the “peak pose”, can we appreciate all of the movements? Can we be present in all of them, and not treat some as mere transitions, somehow less important? Can we think of our practice as a legitimate practice, and not somehow less than, because it doesn’t resemble what we see in yoga magazines just yet? Can we use our presence as enough, enough for ourselves, and enough for others too. When someone we care about is going through a difficult time, perhaps it is not our role to fix their problems for them or save them, perhaps our greatest gift is simply to be present. Perhaps there is no need for anything “more”. When we think of our circumstances, how we came to this world living this incarnation, we may often complain about the details we have no control of, such as the parents whom we are born into, or the place where we were born, or our race or status or nationality. We may be stuck in this idea that we wish things were different. How about inverting this thought as well, and appreciating that it is precisely because of these circumstances that we are who we are today. When we think of our current situation, the things we have chosen, whom we spend our time with, what our job is, how we fill the days of our lives, we may also sometimes forget that we chose these for a reason, and we can get caught up in dissatisfaction thinking things should be different. Again, invert this thought and appreciate what we have chosen, that there is so much to be thankful for. When the present culture is brainwashing us to pursue more and more and more, forcing us to think we need the next excitement and the next excitement and the next excitement, knowing “enough” becomes an act of rebellion. From this inverted way of thinking, we yogis build a counterculture of enough, of gratitude, of appreciation of all things big and small. Perhaps things do not have to be more than as they are. Perhaps all is enough. Just this month, I went to Palawan, in a lesser known island called Panaguman. My friend and I had this idea we were going to snorkel and see the turtles.
To get to this spot, we first walked through the sharp rocks along the water. After some time, we both decided to try a different route, by land through the mountain. We found ourselves lost, without a walking trail, bitten by mosquitos, having to slide under a barbed wire, and doing our best not to slide down the muddy parts. When the whole ordeal was over, my friend commented that I did quite well, rolling my eyes only twice the whole time. We snorkeled as we intended, and decided that to go back, we will go via water to skip the mountain altogether. Hard as we swam, we weren’t gaining a lot of speed as we were swimming against the current. My friend said he was tired so I suggested we go to the rocks. As the waves became stronger, my body was crashing against the sharp edges of the rocks and I got a few minor cuts. Now seeing the danger of the waves, we decided that the safest route would be via foot walking through the sharp rocks. Having only one pair of slippers between the two of us, there came a point we were throwing the slippers back and forth between us, just to make the walk a little bit more comfortable. One slipper fell on water, but luckily I fished it out eventually. And so after about 4 hours of this adventure, we got back to where we started. All was well again. That night, I decided I will just chalk the entire day to experience, and lie down by the beach and look at the stars. That I did, and a few seconds after I lay down my phone beside me, a wave bigger than I expected crashed through the shore. As though in slow motion, I saw my phone being swept away by the water. And it was then, at that moment, not when I could have slipped in the mountain and died, not when I could have hit the rocks and badly injured myself, not when we were under the sun with no choice but to keep going forward, but then when I saw my phone being swept away, that I turned to my friend and said: This is it! I officially hate this place! That was my tipping point. That was the peak of my frustration when I felt I couldn’t take it anymore. And we all have these “breaking points” in various situations throughout our lives. As yogis, our practice is to see the opportunity in transforming this tipping point into a turning point. When we get there, can we instead observe instead of reacting? When we get there, can we use that as a means to invert our thoughts? Instead of letting negativity consume us, we can create space to turn this negativity around, to allow us to learn more about our reactivity, our impatience, our expectations, our understanding of impermanence. Next time that negativity arises, and the tipping point comes up, use it to observe your reactions. And there will be times when we fail to observe, when we fail to create that space. When that happens, let that be a practice of compassion towards yourself too. As it is stated in Patanjali’s yoga sutras, in chapter 2 verse 33, vitarka badhane prati paksha bhavanam. When disturbed by disturbing thoughts, think of the opposite. I read an article published by the World Economic Forum, and it said that we have 3 years to save the planet from the worst effects of climate change. 6 prominent scientists and diplomats wrote an open letter to urge governments, businesses, scientists, and citizens to address the world's greenhouse-gas emissions now. When we are confronted by ground-shaking facts like this, it can instill fear and panic. The urgency of the situation is staring at us right in the face, and we may feel helpless and unsure of what to do. Do we just give up now? What can we do in 3 years? How can I, an individual person, do anything to contribute to the solution?
The focus of the month is “A Version of Inversion”. It emphasizes the power of upside-down asanas and how we can gain strength transferable to daily life. As stated in the Jivamukti focus of the month essay, asanas with a high degree of inversion tend to reflect back our attitudes. They shine a spotlight to the tendencies of our mind. When we invert, we literally turn our world upside down, and this sometimes induces fear, insecurity, or helplessness. What’s going to happen? How can I manage? What should I do? When we practice inversions safely and consistently, we find that we slowly and surely build strength and resilience. Our sense of fear, insecurity, and helplessness become smaller and smaller. When confronted by realities that shake us, like our climate change crisis, instead of clinging on to panic or apathy, we calmly approach the situation. We assess what changes we can make— to eat a vegan diet, to walk or bike instead of driving all the time, to have conversations with people who can look at energy, transport, infrastructure, land etc, and reduce our greenhouse gas emissions from those perspectives. When we think of inversions, we think of poses that turn upside down. And those upside down poses hold importance in our practice, for sure. But the most powerful inversion is not an asana (or pose) but a mudra. Viparita karani translates as “attitudes reversing” and the true power of practicing inversions is that it doesn’t stop when we leave the yoga studio. It only starts in the studio to set up the stage for our daily life confrontations. |
Archives
March 2020
|