There are teachers everywhere, but there is one teacher whom we often underestimate, whom we take for granted. One teacher who is always there, and yet we think, how could this person be our teacher? What does this teacher know? This teacher has no credibility. This teacher is so flawed. This teacher has nothing to teach. This teacher whom we often do not see as our teacher is ourselves.
The focus of the month is The Reality of the Enlightened Mind. We say enlightenment to mean liberation, freedom from suffering, or to put it in the simplest way that we can all relate to-- happiness. We are born into equal opportunities for enlightenment, whatever our circumstances may be. Our hardships may be different, and yet they are all paths to enlightenment. We may doubt ourselves and think, how can we teach ourselves when we are so "imperfect"? The mind that seeks enlightenment starts to understand that there is subjectivity in how we respond to these imperfections. We can either feel victimized and paralyzed by them or we can look at these same qualities or actions and use them to transcend into our higher Selves. There is a story of an infamous murderer who was so proud of his conquests that he adorned himself with the teeth of those he killed. When he met the Buddha, the great teacher, he was able to see the compassionate parts of himself he didn't know he had. He was so changed by their encounter that he himself started teaching meditation. He became enlightened. The Buddha as his teacher only showed him the light, but it was himself who removed his own ignorance. He turned to himself as the guru. Guru-- or teacher-- literally means remover of ignorance. We can start to invert the negative attachments we may have to our past actions and behaviors. Our mistakes, our ignorance, our imperfections are not barriers but opportunities for growth. If we were impatient with the people around us, instead of beating ourselves up for not having been more understanding at that time, can we acknowledge that just by seeing things for what they are, we can do better next time? If we were consuming in ways that are unethical, for example eating animal products like meat, fish, dairy, eggs, instead of thinking we have already done a lot of damage, can we start to act more ethically and be the champions of the same cause that we were once ignorant about? If we were judgmental of the actions and character of others, instead of being consumed by our negativity, can we instead see our similarities and through it gain more acceptance and understanding of the other? If we want to be enlightened, then we use every opportunity we can to learn about how we can bring the most happiness in the world. If we want to be enlightened, we don't treat ourselves as our own critic or detractor or hater. We treat ourselves as our own teacher.
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Are you afraid of death? Are you prepared for death? Do you think about the reality of death and what it means to have this life only temporarily?
Death is a difficult topic to talk about. It is categorized as negative or morbid or depressing. And because we live in a culture of denial, we act as though we have all the time in the world. Though we know that death is certain, none of us know when death will come. Last Wednesday, I attended the wake of my friend Francis. He was prepared for death, so to speak, that he was able to orchestrate his own wake in his last will. He decided on the order in which people in his life will deliver their eulogies, and he gave instructions in anticipation to the grief that we will all feel. "If I die a sudden, unexpected death, then grieve, but do not grieve for long. I myself do not and did not ever fear death. I know and I have always known that death is but like waking to a more peaceful reality, the reality that this life is just an illusion and the next is the real life of true peace and happiness. I am with my Creator now so save your tears and save yourself the trouble of thinking of many regrets. I have lived a full life and I have affected yours in one way or the other. Please pass on this spirit of love and generosity to others. That will make me or my soul very happy, and your soul as well." The enlightened mind not only knows-- but also accepts-- the inevitable death of this physical body. The enlightened mind does not live in fear of losing this body, because it knows that we are not this body. However prepared or unprepared we think we are in facing death, whenever we are in Savasana, we practice dying. When all is said and done, can we be at peace? Can we let go of the what ifs, the could have beens, the should have beens? It is said that everyone dies, but not everyone lives. Perhaps, by confronting the reality of our own death, by learning to make peace with dying, we can then make the decision to live fully, without holding back. Offer your love to those who are no longer with you in their physical body, and know that you continue loving their spirit even as they have changed their form and shape. I offer my love to my friend Francis. Thank you for your teaching on life and death. santosad anuttamah sukha-labhah
Contentment results in happiness. (PYS II.42) Pema Chodron said "When we have nothing, we have nothing to lose." An enlightened mind is one that knows santosha or contentment. It means that things don't have to go one way or another, our desires don't need to be fulfilled, our situations don't need to change in order for us to feel settled in. The enlightened mind knows that the constant shifting of the idea of what we need to do more or have more is a futile activity. The standard of "if" in "if this happens, I will be happy" will continuously change. It is like the shoreline by the beach. We can attempt to write our conditions for happiness there, but eventually and inevitably, they will be washed away. Contentment is to see that those conditions need not arise for us to be happy, that even during those times when we feel sad or lonely, we can be fine. We do not need to hanker for something external. There is nothing to be "solved" or to be "fixed" when it comes to the natural ebb and flow of our emotions or states of mind. To know contentment is to acquire the skill of just being. Not doing, and certainly not having, but just being. To be here, with all that you feel, all that you have in you, all that you carry in you and with you and be okay with that is contentment. To see things for what they are, without desiring for the situation to be different, without anxiety for the future or regrets of the past is the reality of the enlightened mind. I dreamt of him yesterday. It was a short glimpse, a few seconds at most. I saw him and he was smiling. I think he said hello.
The first time that I met Francis, or Pasion as we call him, was during the enrollment of our sophomore year. We had a casual chat, and we were polite and friendly to each other with the kind of reserved distance that strangers have when they meet for the first time. But because we were blockmates, and he was so comfortable and easy to be around, we became friends. And we had the kind of friendship that was low maintenance. We wouldn't demand anything from each other. Yes, he was constantly late. But it was never a big deal. And even though he was quite an achiever, he never acted as though he was better than anyone else. When our grad pics came out, he was going to show me his, but of course he had to give an intro first. He said, "Tingnan mo nga, halata bang bakla ako?" I looked at his picture, and I burst out laughing, because his grad pic looked exactly as he was in person, with that sheepish smile. And I must have said something like, "Bakit, tinatago mo ba?" After college, we stayed in touch regularly. We had what my friend Maris called a "therapy trio". We would meet on Friday or Saturday nights at Baang Coffee, and we'd talk until early morning, sometimes until 5am. But we weren't partying those nights. The only things we drank were coffee, juice, or tea. Those many nights we'd talk about the books we read by Gary Zukhav or Eckhart Tolle or Neale Donald Walsch, we'd talk about our Enneagram types, we'd talk about our love lives which were often non-existent, we'd talk about both concepts and real life with the same enthusiasm. When he was making his film Jay, he asked to borrow some money. And I lent him what I could at that time. When the film premiered, I went, but I was worried. What if I didn't like it? What would I tell him then? But I saw the film and I was mesmerized. While watching it, I sat on my seat and thought of how proud I was of him. I know this person who is so talented. He's my friend! I went to this college with this guy! We were group mates in our thesis! So after the film, that same night, I told him I loved the movie, and he said he will return the money soon. And I said, no, keep it. If he could make something this great, he should keep doing it. And so he kept doing it. Our therapy trio sessions continued, and even when I was based abroad for a while, every time I came home, I made sure we got to meet. He would just be as enthusiastic about his film ideas, whether it's something like the sequel that he thought of for Jay which will be called Kay, or something completely different. But the thing about Pasion is that he wasn't just a talented film maker, he was also a humanitarian, although I'm guessing he would never refer to himself as such. There was a time that he shared that he was so happy with the abundance that he was experiencing, that he was able to donate to a charity organization. He felt that the more he gave, the more he received. When he was talking about it, his joy was no less than if he had won an award. It gave him so much satisfaction that he was able to share his abundance. To the outside world, what is written in paper or online about him or his movies is his journey as a film maker. But more important than that, to me he was a real person who lived his life really well. He was kind. He treated people well. He was a person who had so much joy in his life. His search was not only to make the next film. He also searched for who he was, in the deepest recesses of his soul. He was searching for answers not only to the external life we see; but he was searching for answers to the internal secret life that we all live but often ignore. The last time I saw him was exactly one week ago today, completely by chance. I was walking past a restaurant in Greenbelt and I saw that he was seated by the window. I waved, he came out, and we hugged. We don't normally hug, but that day, we did. It was a hug that I felt said so many things. It was a hug that said, I miss you, I hope you're ok, I'm happy to see you, you look well. I didn't know, and I couldn't have known at that time, that it was also a hug goodbye. But Pasion didn't believe in coincidences. We spoke about synchronicity in sporadic conversations. And so, I am inclined to think that our hug was his final gift to me, a little consolation to the grief that I feel, a small gesture to fill the big gap. There will always be something unfinished when someone leaves us. When I saw him last, we said we'd see each other soon and catch up. That is left hanging. That is unfinished. There really is no right time to die. Loss leaves us with a pile of grief and we feel angry. Why so early? Why you? Why now? We can get caught up in our anger and sadness. But let us not hold on to our anger too long, in case we forget what is beautiful-- that we got to say hello, that we got to know him in the first place, even if it means we have to unexpectedly say that painful goodbye. Amidst the farewell, may we hold dear that first hello-- that beginning-- that touched our heart. vastu-sāmye citta-bhedāt tayor vibhaktaḥ panthāḥ
Each individual person perceives the same object in a different way, according to their own state of mind and projections. Everything is empty from its own side and appears according to how you see it. (PYS IV.15) This yoga sutra teaches us about emptiness. The meaning we put upon objects and situations are subjective, based on our biases and predispositions, the way we perceive and interpret things. When we grasp this emptiness, we can have a better understanding of how external reality is connected to our own choices, how we carry the responsibility of this reality, and how we are in a position to change it. In yoga asana, for example, we may find backbends challenging. But this reality is only subjective. If backbends are objectively difficult, why do other yogis find it easy then, and why is it that our experience of the pose can change over time? The pose itself is empty. Our experience of it as difficult is due to our own lifestyle habits. It could be that we spend all day crouched down in front of a computer, or we are unable to forgive those who have hurt us, or both, such that our body finds it hard to move to the direction of heart-opening. To accept the emptiness of the pose is to embrace that we can change our habits and our experience of the pose through consistent practice. Our relationships can be the same. We can, through our knee-jerk reaction, think that our parent or partner or boss should change, because they are too much of this or not enough of that. We insist that they must change, thereby consciously or unconsciously thinking that they are flawed while there is nothing to be examined in ourselves. When we put objectivity in these relationships and admit that we have a responsibility in them, we no longer have to feel victimized by the situation. We can make choices to change our response, we can learn how to set boundaries, or we can alter our own perception so we come from a loving place while making changes. Insisting that our subjective truth is all that there is can lead us to casting blame and judgment. We can conveniently say the rich businesses are so greedy they have wiped out our oceans, or the governments are not doing their jobs in protecting our environment, all the while focused on criticism of others while disowning our own responsibility. To look at situations empty of blame in others means we start to make connections with our own decisions and the realities as we experience them. If we have observed that the oceans are dying and the environment is neglected, are we responsible in some way for this? If we consume fish or other animals, if we make no attempt to reduce waste, then we must accept that it is our choices too that created this reality. But instead of being stuck in blame, we then take our power back. If we are responsible for this reality, then we are also responsible and are in a position to change it. This concept of emptiness transforms powerlessness to responsibility and hopelessness to freedom. Think of a situation in the world you are not completely satisfied with, and think of what it is that you can do starting today to change it. Consider the attitude and mindset that must go with this change. If you feel that the world oppresses minorities, then can you make the decision to examine your own actions and see where you may have contributed to it, and see where you may change it? What is needed from you, more action, more perseverance? Or is it a change in the way you view the world, to have more compassion, more patience? The focus of the month this March in Jivamukti is The Reality of the Enlightened Mind. A yogi striving for enlightenment looks at the world that we live in, and instead of focusing their energy on complaining or criticizing, is aware that change must start with oneself. As Gandhi-ji said, we must be the change we wish to see in the world. |
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