PYS III.38 Te Samadhav upasarga vyutthane siddhayah
By giving up the love of power, you attain the power of love. What is love? Is it a feeling? An emotion? A state of mind? We are fascinated with love and we are drawn towards the idea of love. At the same time, our understanding of love is most often incomplete at best, and dysfunctional at worst. And because of our limited or false understanding, our relationships may feel stuck, we think our range of motion is limited, and we do not see the freedom that unconditional love is capable of giving us. The notion that love causes suffering stems from the false understanding of love as a power game. Songs and movies in popular culture have led us to believe that the love of another completes us, that the other is an extension of who we are. This is true for romantic love, but it does not stop there. It is also true of parental love, love amongst family members, love of the environment, love of nonhuman animals etc. When we are thinking of love in the limited selfish definition, it is nothing but control and power and manipulation. According to Buddhism, love is when we wish for the happiness of the beloved. It is this unconditional quality that expands our range of motion. This means that in a romantic relationship, we see our partner as an individual being with their own thoughts and beliefs and perceptions. In a parent-child relationship, the parent understands that the child has free will and will make their own choices. Amongst family members, it is the acceptance that one is not a replica of the other. In our treatment of animals, it is seeing them as whole beings with their own interests instead of thinking of what we can gain if we eat their flesh or steal their milk. When you practice today, offer your intention to a beloved. In your mind, say this being's name and the words: "May you be happy. May you be free." Remember that for us to expand our range of motion, it requires repetition of new practices. It may be outside of our comfort zone in the beginning to move from a selfish reaction to a self-less intention. Allow this discomfort to arise. Within the confines of discomfort is where we grow. When the time comes that we perfect this practice of unconditional loving, we will be happy when our beloved is happy, and we will find freedom when our beloved is free.
0 Comments
Are you a creature of habit? Do you go to your favorite restaurant and order the same thing every time? Do you have a playlist of 500 songs but play about 10 over and over again? Habit itself is not bad. But it's when we do the same thing each time but expect a different result that is madness. It's then that we become stuck. It's then that we feel our freedom is constricted. It's then that we feel limited, stagnated.
The focus of the month is called "New Range of Motion". It's an appeal to be creative, to be spontaneous, to let go of old patterns, to explore, to navigate unchartered waters, to live life with a renewed sense of awe, to not be weighed down by disappointments however many times we've encountered them, to live life so fully and with much enthusiasm that it's as if we are being reborn every day we get to wake up. What is keeping you stuck? An emotion? A loss? A belief system? A self-defeating pattern? Take a few moments to identify this one thing that most keeps your growth stunted, and observe where it may be stuck in your body. What is this blockage, and where do you feel it physically manifesting? To explore a new range of motion means to be able to identify what is inhibiting our movement, and to be able to give up that which constricts us. We let go of it even if it's a habit or pattern we've gotten used to, in order to welcome a new way of thinking, a new way of doing things, and a new way of living. Dear M,
I am at the Warsaw Chopin airport way too early for my flight out, but you already know that. The check-in counter isn't quite open yet, and somehow, still being in Poland makes me feel that I can delay my heartbreak just a little bit longer. It has been challenging to say goodbye again and again, each time more difficult than the last. Early on, when we have just known each other for a month, I told you that when the circumstances arise that you have to choose between you and me, I'd like you to choose you. Though I still know it to be the right decision, as it is true that I have to choose myself as well, it has become harder and harder to say it and truly mean it. I have become attached and enraptured by both you and the idea of you, that I now do not know the first thing on how to break away from that. It almost feels like there is no good reason to let go, at the same time no good reason to keep trying to merge different personalities and separate lives. How can it be easy to let go when I love you so intensely and yet so quietly? I simultaneously want to coddle your human imperfection and worship your god-like purity. You are such a beautiful human being overflowing with innocence and enthusiasm and vulnerability. And you inspire me. And we look at the world with the same lens of truth, disrobing it of its superficiality and trying our best not to be caught in the trap of materialism-- so how can my heart not break when it feels at times that we are of one heart and mind? And in spite of the anxiety that I feel over this separation, I am grateful that we have had this time. How fortunate we are to have met, and to have enough freedom in our lives to curate the days leading to our goodbye. We have had the sun and the snow and the rain, four countries, moments we stared into each other eyes that seemed to last a lifetime. I have known you, as you have known me, and we have broken barriers of our day-to-day perception. I had a vision of you, not once, but twice, as an old man. The instant I saw it, I had high hopes that it might mean I will be spending many years of my life with you. But just as quickly and without hesitation, I know that if it weren't the case, I would be just fine knowing you will live your life. How close and far you feel to me right now, and how my heart breaks knowing the distance will go further with each moment that passes by. It is so beautiful that our best moments were private, like a secret you and I hold, a sacred space no one else can enter. Neither of us expected it, and neither of us owned it. Permanence may have never been the fate of our relationship, but its magnificence certainly does not fall short of that. While we may not have decades of everyday, we have shared what I believe is worthy of a lifetime. We said hello, and look at what beauty was unraveled from that. We have reached the end of the road, and it is time to say goodbye. Continue to live, to take it one day at a time, to not let life defeat you, to always be brave, to keep that boyish smile. Please do that all the way to the end, until you become that old man I have envisioned in my mind. Love always, N |
Archives
March 2020
|